Friday, October 22, 2010

feel numb

Anti Depressant Tablets are the PITS.
Been on them for a few days, and I feel lost, deurmekaar and in sleep permanently.
What's the fun in that?
I feel incompetant with them in my system and they take such a long time to get out of my system.
There is really no fun and games.
Feel disconnected from the world
With no emotion
No compassion
No feeling
Just a empty soul swifting from one thing to another.

Really understand why I am on the tablets
Just don't know if they really work
Feel numb

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

ANTI DEPRESSANT

Scary stuff. First time in my life that I go to the doctor and the doctor puts me on a ongoing dosage of anti depressants. Have never really needed it.

With this he measured my blood pressure which is 152/105 that's very scary, my bp is usually 132/72. He wants to monitor that.

So, how is it going with me?
Well I got a crazy ass guy who fallows me around, phones me everyday, phones my friends and family. Talks so much kak that he starting to believe himself. And in the end he is ruining his daughters future and making sure he distroys a few while he is busy with this.

My ex girl friend helped him because she was scorned. But now he is gona mess up her career because he tackle's me on fb. Which will link us and then everybody will know she is gay and her minisrty could be in its tjops.
How did she help him? She gave him info about me, gave him numbers to phone etc.
Now she is gona shoot herself in the foot. Very grown up, very inteligent.
Luckily that's not my problem.

What is he trying to achieve?
Well, I'm in a thing with his soon to be ex wife. This is a new thing. But he wants me to back off.
I dnt want to.
Now he wants to ruine my life by leaving messages to strangers about me. I don't have real friends or family, so he is actually just waisting his time.
You need to have something to be able to loose something. My family has never been close and well those who believe all the shit can go to hell.

He wants to break me. Wrong way to go about it.
Only way to break me, is by hurting me physically.

You need emotions to get emotionally eina
You need to be inconstant contact to get mentally abused.
But he is trying, waisting so much time.
He also wants to hurt me physically.

Went to see a lawyer today. Never thought I would do that.
Opened a file against him. Feel bad for his daughter who is going to have to life with this.
My life is more important

The anti-dep is doing there job well. I'm so chilled.

But I'm getting tired of empty threats

Thursday, October 14, 2010

kos vir my siel

Soms as dinge moeilik gaan gee 'n mens die dinge wat jou die meeste genot op.
Soms laat gaan jy van jou passie
Soms is daar nie plek vir passie en seer nie
Soms verdwyn die liefde vir iets

En dan na paar weke, na 'n paar maande skrik jy wakker
Kom jy agter 'n issue is weg
Die issue wat jou passie gevat het
Die issue wat die seer veroorsaak het is weg
En dan kom die passie terug en die honger

Daai honger maak jou lus vir doen wat jou gelukkig maak

Ek het kos nodig vir my siel
Ek moet tyd maak vir my passie
Ek is honger

Saturday, October 9, 2010

wie of wat is pink boek?

PINK BOEK

Is ongeveer al geskryf meer as twee jaar gelede.
Dis 'n boek vol intense gedagtes gevoelens wat ek geskryf het vir iemand na my hart.

Pink boek het my gehelp deur van die moeilikste tye en soms deur laat lang nagte wanneer my hart net wou huil van verlange.

Pink boek is opgedra aan iemand...

pink boek

NAG
Vanaand is die maan 'n halwe geel kaas en hy le op sy rug en seil deur die melkweg, haastig verby "Orion-se-belt" en die "Suiderkruis"

Die berge staan donker vaal blou ver in die agtergrond van die donker nag. Die blink oggend ster blink en wag om sy laaste lig te gooi.

Die rivier kruip sag & rustig verby die slapende riete , wat rus na 'n dapper dag van vasstaan.

Die doringbos is vrede vol en kalm, wag vir die dag vir nog 'n slagoffer.

Die wit lelie vergesel die aand, rustig, vleiend.

Die grondpad is dood, die dag se ry op hom het hom tot op 'n einde gebring, hy is dood.

Die klippies in die pad moan van al die plat trap, niemand luister na hulle nie. Hul geraas le op dowwe ore.

die kampers is stil uit eindelik. En die nag se rus wag vir more se besig wees, lawaai en adrenalien.

pink boek

VERDWAAL:
Soms kan ek verdwaal in die kamers van my hart
Soms verdwaal ek in jou woorde
Soms verdwaal ek in die pole van jou grys blou groen oe

Verdwaal is tricky
'N mens verdwaal nooit regtig nie
'N mens vat soms net 'n ompad of 'n langer pad om erens te kom
Jy verdwaal nooit, mis trap soms
Loop in die verkeerde rigting
Dwaal soms op die verkeerde pad.

Vandag het ek 'n ver ompad geloop deur dorings en takke.
Na daai lang ompad het ek weer die kamp gevind.
Daars altyd iemand wat weet waar jy is.

pink boek nommer 2

KISS
Soft lips
Heart raising
Love acking
Warm tongue
Beautiful technique
You kiss
I gasp
You gasp
I'm stunned
You breathed
I'm flushed
The soft warmth of your passionate lively lips
Touch my soul
Tempo followed by exotic reaction
My heart my body pulse
"What will this lead into?"

pink boek nr1

Droe boom, 'n lee bed, 'n blom sonder blare of geur.
So voel ek soms!

Die skemer is op aandag, die oggend rus.
Mars vat sy kans in die middag om te rus!

So 'n tyd. So 'n manier.
So 'n lag. So 'n lief.
So 'n verhouding.
So 'n traan

Niks pas regtig nie

wakker

Ek le wakker terwyl ek dink aan jou, smag na jou.
Ek le en dink aan die goeie en die slegte
Ek le en dink aan die kurwes van jou lyf en die sag van jou liggaam

Jy dwaal in my kop
Ek mis jou
Jy verdwaal in my gedagtes
Ek mis jou
Jy sit in my hart
Maar ek mis jou

Wakker le ek, jy maak my dronk soos jy deur my kop loop
Jy maak my deurmekaar, so baie mis ek jou
Ek verloor my gedagte gang want jy druk my knoppies
Alles van jou soek ek

Ek is wakker, wawyd wakker en dis als jou skuld