Rum, sigarettes & memories

I'm ending this year with rum, sigarettes and lots of new memories...

Rory my friend,  I miss you dearly, even if you were full of shit. But he was such a fantastic kisser. Made me knees weak.

Snip we have done so much running together,  walked miles together. Figuratively and literary.
Hope this year we will do some more!

Bear you have shown me life takes turns and some days we need to smile and wave. Even if you wave to empty walls.

Dr M you teaches me that not all friends are meant to be permanent,  some are there for a.short while. A means to a end.

Bugs,  I'm sure you my sponsor!  When ever I feel like creating a closet!  You are there. Always understanding. Even if I bubble and you miles away. My friend you mean the world to me.

My family!  Gosh. You guys had to be there for the bad and ugly. Picked up my pieces and help me to recreate myself. I'm stronger and better because of you. Thank you!

People it's been a year. I've lost some weight. Grown some what. Recovered. And succeeded with many milestones...

One awesome 2014!  Thank you for sharing it

I'll be celebrating with rum, sigarettes and memories

The confession

Sometimes I feel the need for confession!

Today :
I had one massive aggressive meltdown. It's been so long, that at first I could not understand my emotions. Then it hit, or should I say then I hit "it"!
I've always been stable, same person everyday.
You need to wind me up to get some reaction.

Today was different.
I put my trainers on ran a few kilometres,  in pretty good time. My running partner had to quit, she injured herself. So I doubled back and ran again. After about 60 min run, I went to the gym got hold of some weights and did so many reps, that my muscles burned. Yet, after this I was still aggressive.
So I decided on some core workouts...

After all this, I can say I need more work outs like this. But I have to find the aggression for it.

Today was different.
Aggression caused by incompetent people occupying my valuable time with small mindless acts which seemed to take for ever.

I hope that when I wake up, I'll be a better me.

For everybody that I was not myself towards,  I am really sorry,  but I know you will forgive me. Cause this isn't me!

Regards
"the beast in me"

Teenage crush

You have always been a part of my life...

Now after about 10years of not seeing, not speaking, finally I met you again.

Such a dum childhood crush!

First memory I have of you was a drive to the shop in my uncles Open. The second memory of you was a brief encouter in a gym, so sudden and unexpected!

Every time I see you,  I can melt. If you had to lay a finger on me, I will simply stop to exist. You have your life and I have mine,  we will never work, NEVER!

But yet I really have this stupid childish crush on you.

All I see is what I want. From your moods, your no fashion style, overly eager streaked hair, the simple dimple right under the corners of your mouth.
At night I close my eyes, all I is you. In the morning I wake up with the thought of you. Every now and again I catch myself wishing for you ...

I should have left you under this rock,  cause I'm afraid I started something I can't finish.

Anxiety for 2015

It's nearly over, it's nearly starting!

Boy oh  boy,  what a year it's been...

Started travelling, working at my best,  try to stick to all my workouts and, " drumroll please ", studying also! Having met some adventure,  some sadness more growing pains and I'm fearing what will change this year!

Afraid of change!  (eyes wide shut running into a brick wall, I see )

Yet all my changes in the last year was good, all my work and effort was good!  It's all positive...

Why am I feeling that I hope 2014 can stay a little longer?

This is "New Year" anxiety

moving on

Over the years my world,  my life has always followed a pattern.

I'll start out with great prospects. There will be a goal. I'll achieve the goal and then I'll get bored. Look for a new goal.

Or il move on. Either work or relationship. Wise.

I've come to realise that I move on in the month of November.

That's when I look for a new goal, new future,  new life,  new love, etc.
Most things happen for me in November!

disappointment

Have you ever been so disappointed in yourself that you really can try to kick yourself under the bum?

I have not designed anything in months. Finally. I received some great ideas to design,  but I was unfortunately not near paper or laptop to get it down. The night when I got home. Those great ideas turned into nothing better than a water balloon fantasy.

Now I'm sitting with designer -block again...