Changing over night

So you just wake up one morning straight?

Uhm... I think not!

I wished I could take the curse away,  or heal from my disease the first month a felt my whole life turning upside down. I prayed,  I pleaded and I hoped.

Eventually I gave in, went with the flow. Denied my faith. Looked for scriptures saying God loves me and he accepts me. Suprise!  You can't change scripture!

It took me 4 years into my gay lifestyle to connect the dots and become bored in the fact that I share my bed with a woman,  who is my best friend. But this relationship is nothing more than a friendship gone wrong.

It took me about 6 months to reall admit to myself that I gave up my career,  my degree and my family for something which was never and will never be. First I realised this was lust mixed with friendship, secondly thing's were to difficult, nothing came easy. Seesaw of emotions and brutal fights. I became a shadow of my former self. Also obese...

Another 6 months I started admitting the truth to people close to me. I'm not gay, My God is not fine with my lifestyle!  I begin making changes small ones, small beginnings. Which led me to great things!

This all was not my partners fault,  it was me!

Things started to change, as if I could see. Yet I thought I am crazy. Who gives up there life only to realise you living someone elses life. Scary

So no, you don't change over night!

Everything has its time, it's pace and everything happens at the perfect moment

Be who you are! Open your eyes!  Start you journey... Most difficult part is your first step!

Getting out of homosexuality

You know it's wrong,  you know it's not for you and you want to get out of the lifestyle?

You are worried about what your family will think. (First you falling out the cupboard, proclaiming your eternal love to a same sex partner and the next thing you saying,  uhm suprise I'm not gay.)
People have been gossiping about you for weeks, months even years. So much that you rather not visit your home town of.fear that you will hear all the things they said, about you etc.
Your friends will accept your choices?

Some things I had to deal with when I realised I was never in a closet but only busy with some experimenting.

Firstly I got as far as possible away from the lifestyle. I moved a 12000km back to my home town, faced my fears and now I'm in harmony.

Secondly I didn't explain myself, I just lived my life. I did not go out in the world saying :" look at me I am cured from the homosexual lifestyle
" . I actually don't share my story, cause I'm not ready.

Thirdly I started to care about me and the mess I became. I got into shape, lost about 16kg and I started to further my career.

Fourthly I lost my "friends". My gay friends saw me as some incredible threat,  my straight friends started feeling threatened aabout there boyfriends and some even thought I'm busy with some sex trick. You will loose your friends,  but you will make beter ones, real friends.

You are who you are!  You made your mistakes,  it's human nature to make them.
Forgive yourself, speak to God,  tell hom your story. So that it can become your history and start building a future.


All you have to do is pray, want to change and put everything into it!

You can do it!

journey

Its past 0:00 and Im waiting for sunrise,  so that I can journey back home.

Saying my goodbyes,  fighting the sleep,  wishing for more time with you my friend.

We in such different places, as if light years apart but yet we see each other in the same light under the same sun...

This feels like the final goodbye!

Is this for real,  forever, or are we stepping into a new journey in life?