#pastFuture

If I knew, what I know now, how different would my decisions have been?

First thing I would like to change is my first propsal of marriage. Actually would have said yes. Kept studying. Would have had atleast two kids by now. WIth a husband out the country more than in it... Uhm
Would I have been happy!?
Probably not.

Second change would have been to never try a girl. Never left my life to live in her's.
Would I have been happy living without that intense love? TakiNG massive risks!? Uhm...
Most definitely not. I'm reckless, unpredictable, etc.

Third change to complete my psychology studies. Would I have been a good/great. Psychologist?  I'll never know. But it would have bored me.

Am I where I want to be?  Yes
Do I regret my choices? No
Was all my decisions good? No, definitely more wrong then right.
Did I enjoy my life till now? Absolutely

Swaar weer

Vanaand is dit pik donker
En ek verlang na jou

Daai eerste aand wat ons saam deur gebring het. Jy in jou kamer en ek in myne. Donder knal.het ons wakker gemaak. Ek't in my pajamas gaan soek na jou, om seker te maak jy is okay.

In die blitse se lig kon ek jou glimlag sien
Jou oë het saam gelag aan die idee ek ondersoek instel na jou ,jy wat so ñ dapper held is. Vandag lag ek ook daaroor

Maar soos ek jou sien vra jy of ek okay is. En jy sê: "Kom klim hier in by my. " ek was uitgehaal, nie geweet of ek moet of nie. So het ek bo op die bed, langs jou kom le, met teminste ñ meter tussen ons.

Die intensiteit van maak asof ons slaap was iets om van ñ boek te skryf. Maar ons het daar gelê. Te bang om asem te haal. Tot jou alarm ons Stilte wakker gemaak het en jy moes die ver pad huistoe vat.

Daai oggend het ek my arms om jou gevou en ek jou gevra om te bly. Maar pligs getrou moes jy huistoe. Na jou lewe,  na jou vrou.

Daar niks gebeur tussen my en jou
Dit voel soms asof ons teveel al saam gedoen het
 En vanaand mis ek jou!

Smell of freedom

Tonight as I was jogging my standard jogging trail, at my normal time after a long day of crap.

Breathing the fresh small town, farm air. Living the green seeing the calm.

I realised with a great big smile the freedom I experience!  Yes, I live in crime sa, but at night in my little community I can still go running without a care in the world!

Yes things are bad in SA, and worst things are still to come probable.

But tonight as I went running I experience the feeling of freedom, the amazing air of life!
I know one day we will be safe again

dying March

I'm walking, I'm dying
I'm smiling, I'm crying

Life has been a bitter sweet this March

Somethings ending, some starting

Blossoming and fading

Life is strange

Check in 28 months

I'm just checking in to show I'm alive.
My progress has been slow, but steady and I'm feeling the change.

I started with a clean slate
Empty
I was empty
Living
Yet I was dead
Nothing
I had nothing
Fat
I was obese, depressed, unhappy

Now I'm happy
Lost 28kg 's
Got rid of my stress
Building my friends
Building my life

It's been a fantastic journey

taste

Amazing, interesting, exciting word

Explaining so much, but also so little

I have a ear for sweet burning sours
Also sharing a taste for older partners
Attracted to gray warm clothes
Smelling sweet nothings
While life moves on...

Ek is jaloers

Ek is verseker jaloers op als wat ek nie kan kry
Soos ñ kleintjie oor nuwe speelgoed
Soos ñ man oor ñ sports kar

Ek wonder, dit maak my mal
Lê jy vanaand in haar arms?
Is sy vanaand langs jou?
Kan sy jou woordloos verstaan soos ek?
Besef sy wie of wat jy is?
Weet sy jy is onvervangbaar?
Leef sy haar in jou oë in soos ek?

Ek is jaloers

Want

Ek weet jy sal nooit weet
Hoe ek proe
Hoe ek dink
Hoe ek aan jou graag sal wil raak
Hoe spesiaal jy is

Die jaloesie sal agter my glimlag skuil

growing growing gone

Here I am again!  Standing, sitting, waiting...
This is me hoping this isn't another growth pain
Hoping life could stay boring and in one place for me

But yet that will be dying. Death is boring, death stays in one place, death doesn't hurt...

I'm dreading this new change. I'm not sure what is coming, but I've noticed that when I'm all alone and everyone is busy, not seeing me, is when I'm about to go through yet another painful growing experience...

One day,is one day,  where the growing will get to be to much for me and I might, o I just might dissappear!

Here I am waiting, hoping, paining for this new growing experience...

Taking the next step

I've been in a relationship for nearly two years
We been flirting
Fighting
And finally it's time we get serious
Next chapter
Next step

SJOE,  I geared up...
Got the new equipment
Cleared my schedule
Worked out a goal step plan
Even went the extra kilometer and bought some boosters

Boy o boy! I'm so ready for this

Let's start working at getting better, fitter and stronger

Fynbos brand

Vanaand sit ek snoesig in my rookvry kamer
Warm, rustig, sonder ñ bekommernis...

Ek is effens af, my speelplek, my wegkruip plek is besig om af te brand...
Die Fynbos moet brand, dit moet herontdek word. Maar dis so hartseer
Dis net rook en vlamme

My eens naweek speel plek is bedek met rook en ek weet hierdie is ñ einde van ñ hoofstuk.

Hartseer sit ek, en ek wens ek was daar

Al kon ek net ñ vierkant ñ meter red, Enige iets is better as niks

Wag

Wag, is daai onbeskryflike lang oomblik in jou lewe waar als stil staan en jy glo iets gaan gebeur.

Hierdie oomblik het my bereik en ek weet daar is iets aan die kom. Geen idee wat. Maar ek wag. Ek is opgewonde. Niks maak sin. Tyd staan stil. Ek wag in opgewondenheid vir iets nuuts en onbekend.

Twyfel in my kop wat vra: "Wat gebeur as jy aanhou wag. En niks kom?"
Genade ek weet nie?  Seker weer terleurgesteld. Seker onnugtering. Miskien ñ bietjie klein dood in hierdie kinder hart van my.

Ek wag...