week from hell

In this incredible short week I have really lost my forward motion

Coming from a background where I really didn't exercise, didn't care, had nothing.

I built myself to be healthy, look good, achieve and accumulate assets. But in this four day week I lost it

First day my car was crashed. Yes, no more car. Second this led to me loosing my nest egg. This thirdly made me feel like I'm back where I was 3 years ago, which led to me feeling depressed. So I didn't exercise, I didn't study,  I just didn't feel a shit.

My mind set is weak and my heart heavy.

I'm still feeling like the looser I've always been

Time

Choosing where you want to be,at a certain point in time.

As I'm curled up in my warm bed
I asked myself where would I want to be right now?
Am I in control of where I am?

Simple truth, I'm exactly where I want to be,  yes, I control where I am. If I wanted to be somewhere else I could have been. Anywhere...

Time, waits for no one.
I've done so much in my small insignificant life.
But yet I have had amazing, earth shattering emotions, I've felt them in myself. For others and more than that, they felt it for me.

I love where I am now

#pastFuture

If I knew, what I know now, how different would my decisions have been?

First thing I would like to change is my first propsal of marriage. Actually would have said yes. Kept studying. Would have had atleast two kids by now. WIth a husband out the country more than in it... Uhm
Would I have been happy!?
Probably not.

Second change would have been to never try a girl. Never left my life to live in her's.
Would I have been happy living without that intense love? TakiNG massive risks!? Uhm...
Most definitely not. I'm reckless, unpredictable, etc.

Third change to complete my psychology studies. Would I have been a good/great. Psychologist?  I'll never know. But it would have bored me.

Am I where I want to be?  Yes
Do I regret my choices? No
Was all my decisions good? No, definitely more wrong then right.
Did I enjoy my life till now? Absolutely

Swaar weer

Vanaand is dit pik donker
En ek verlang na jou

Daai eerste aand wat ons saam deur gebring het. Jy in jou kamer en ek in myne. Donder knal.het ons wakker gemaak. Ek't in my pajamas gaan soek na jou, om seker te maak jy is okay.

In die blitse se lig kon ek jou glimlag sien
Jou oë het saam gelag aan die idee ek ondersoek instel na jou ,jy wat so ñ dapper held is. Vandag lag ek ook daaroor

Maar soos ek jou sien vra jy of ek okay is. En jy sê: "Kom klim hier in by my. " ek was uitgehaal, nie geweet of ek moet of nie. So het ek bo op die bed, langs jou kom le, met teminste ñ meter tussen ons.

Die intensiteit van maak asof ons slaap was iets om van ñ boek te skryf. Maar ons het daar gelê. Te bang om asem te haal. Tot jou alarm ons Stilte wakker gemaak het en jy moes die ver pad huistoe vat.

Daai oggend het ek my arms om jou gevou en ek jou gevra om te bly. Maar pligs getrou moes jy huistoe. Na jou lewe,  na jou vrou.

Daar niks gebeur tussen my en jou
Dit voel soms asof ons teveel al saam gedoen het
 En vanaand mis ek jou!

Smell of freedom

Tonight as I was jogging my standard jogging trail, at my normal time after a long day of crap.

Breathing the fresh small town, farm air. Living the green seeing the calm.

I realised with a great big smile the freedom I experience!  Yes, I live in crime sa, but at night in my little community I can still go running without a care in the world!

Yes things are bad in SA, and worst things are still to come probable.

But tonight as I went running I experience the feeling of freedom, the amazing air of life!
I know one day we will be safe again