Old new friend

I met this really nice, funny guy...

We have known each other for sometime
He wants to be my moon and stars
I basically know everything about him, but he does not know about my girlfriends, or my past...

He told me he loves me

It makes me scared
I will be a great mom to his children, but the worst wife he could ever ask for.
How does he know he loves me?
We have never kissed, not even held hands

He says he misses me

How do you miss someone you don't know?

Today I found out he met someone for him
There is a feeling of regret,  a feeling of happiness
Just a shame he didn't tell me himself

We use to be able to sit on a sand dune and watch the waves crash in the middle of the night. Smoking menthol sigarettes

I miss my old friend

Muscles aching

Have you ever experienced being so sore that it does not matter how you sit, or how you stand, or how sleep or even how breath. It just stays painful...

I've been training for sometime, triathlon training. Been skipping gym work, even thou I love weights. Was told to loose weight then start with gym.

Well this week I start with weight training,  or as some will say strength training. Monday was the first day, it was hectic. Today was day two and I'm on this program for 8 weeks. Gosh, I do not see me finishing this...

When I sneeze, I feel like I can cry...
Even putting lotion on is sore.
Just shows you can be able to swim, run or cycle a few kilometres,  but that does not mean you are fit!

Am I still gay?

Can you ever believe it's been nearly 4 years since I've decided being gay isn't for me?

So much has changed. I've seen things so clear.
Alot of tears, sweat and heartache

And the question remains,  Am I still gay?
Am I attracted to other women?
Do I flirt with women?
Do I some days dream of my ultimate lesbian sexual experience?
Do I think a relationship with a woman will be easier or safer?

Uhm... Frankly I do all the things above

But
Am I still gay?
No, I still believe it's a boundary issue
I still believe that alot of people will realise they in the wrong type of relationship
I do believe hedrosexual relationships are difficult and complicated, but alot less than gay relationships.

I will not go back to a gay relationship to feel safe, or to feel loved, or as a last resort

I hope more people will realise the world is bigger than that

Door

We all know that door,that really should stay close but...
Today, I'm standing infront of a door like that
Behind this mysterious door I can hear a old boyfriend Knocking

Should I?
Uhm shouldn't I

As eager as I was to dump him 10 years ago I would really like to meet him again
It would be like to meet him for the first time
But
Will he be truthful,  old habits die hard
Will he be broken, like I am
Could it be meant to be?

So,  I'm standing with the handle in my hand

This door will be a cross road
Smiling,  clinching the key in the other

standing still

At a end of a road, noticing you slipping away
Wishing I could stop you
But I'm arrogant, speechless, stubborn..
I don't know what to say or what to do

Our conversations starts with hello, next sentence is ok, and then you gone...

This is the end of our fabulous friendship
The flirting is over
I'm not here, you are not here.

Standing still everything has come to a holt

The last of a gay friendship